Carolyn Custis James

Taking a seat at the table marks a breakthrough moment especially if you’re the first woman to be there. Believing you belong at the table is a huge step forward, in any workplace.

But what happens next?

Issues Sheryl Sandberg poses in her book about what it means to Lean In at the table carry deeper implications and raise more unsettling questions for the Christian community—especially when the proverbial “table” in question is housed in a church or Christian ministry organization.

Discussions about women in leadership often leave the impression that breaking through that glass or stained glass ceiling—just getting a woman to the table—is the ultimate goal and the solution to the “gender problem.” Open the door to a woman. Fist bump! “Gender problem solved.”

It’s easy for both men and women to assume that’s all it takes. If only it were that easy!

Adding a woman is an important advance for women. Significant as that is, however, we’re missing something vitally important if we don’t have a greater vision for opening doors than simply to do it for women.

If we stop there, we haven’t gone nearly far enough.

The truth is I keep hearing stories of casualties and setbacks because deeper issues aren’t addressed inside that door. New problems surface that blindside both women and men.

One of the most common mistakes is when men carry on with business as usual after adding a woman to the team. They talk over her in meetings (as they often do with each other). Her ideas are sometimes overlooked and only gain merit if and when a man repeats them as his own. The men have private sometimes impromptu meetings as before, network on the golf course, and make decisions that impact but exclude her. Sometimes in meetings she has trouble fighting back the tears, which we’re told is an absolute “no-no”, although afterwards it’s not unheard of for one of the men at the table to confide to his teary colleague that he knows exactly how she feels. She exists outside their all-male network and feels less valued, marginalized, and increasingly frustrated.

Men think she’s just impossible to please.

By adding a woman, the whole team has a marvelous opportunity to discover a whole new way of working that yields better decisions and strengthens the team, if they are willing to make the effort, learn to value, listen, and learn from one another, and live out the gospel around that table. That’s what this change requires. That table presents the context in which the men discover they actually need her to be there with her ideas, honest feedback, and initiatives—that  offering a seat to her was as much for them as it was for her.

Getting to that point of discovery can be challenging, even messy. There’s a learning curve to this for everyone at the table. But if the strategy God unveiled in Genesis 1 for his male and female image bearers to do his work on earth is truly the way things are meant to work best, the effort will be well worth it for everyone—resulting in detecting blind spots, making better decisions, and both men and women being able to rattle off ways they’ve changed for the better by working together.

It should not go unnoticed that the central image we’re discussing is a table—an object that for those who follow Jesus carries profound and sacred significance. Jesus’ table is a place of welcome and belonging, where divisions cease and oneness flourishes. His table reminds us that Jesus calls us to lean in to a different way of living that is nothing like the way we’ve always done things.

A Blessed Alliance between his sons and daughters may make us uncomfortable at first. It takes hard work, humility, and sacrifice. But without it everyone loses. We become less than we were created to be. The Blessed Alliance brings out the best in women and men. And when that happens, God smiles and the world can see hard evidence that Jesus has come.

The transformation required to recover that Blessed male/female Alliance takes more than making space for another chair at the table. But it must begin there.

So what does happen after you sit at the table?

“If following Jesus does not feel dangerous, I should probably pause and check to see if it is Jesus I’m following.”

” … when you want to change things, you can’t please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren’t making enough progress.”

Success and likeability—for most of us this is not an either/or but a both/and. We want success (whatever that means for us personally) and we want to be liked. This is true for women and men. But somehow it seems that in our culture women are perceived to give more weight to likeability (even at the expense of success).

Many will remember Sally Fields. Pundits made fun of her tearful acceptance speech at the 1985 Oscars when she won her second best actress award and exclaimed: “You like me, you really like me!” Sally Fields is an accomplished actor, but at her moment of success, all she could think about was likeability.

Maybe it is true that women prefer likeability over success.

Sandberg’s Take

“Heidi and Howard” isn’t a television sitcom, but a fascinating Harvard Business School case study comparing perceptions of men and women in the workplace. Two groups were given the same report on the successful career of entrepreneur Heidi Roizen. But on the second group’s reports the name “Heidi” was changed to “Howard.”

Results were telling.

” … while students respected both Heidi and Howard, Howard came across as a more appealing colleague. Heidi, on the other hand was seen as selfish and not ‘the type of person you would want to hire or work for.’ The same data with a single difference—gender—created vastly different impressions. … The end result? Liked him, disliked her.” (p.40)

Sandberg explains how stereotypes (men are “providers, decisive, and driven,”; women are “caregivers, sensitive, and communal” p.40) determined likeability differently for men and women. This is the “double bind” facing women: between conducting themselves according to “feminine” expectations to be liked or risking negative perceptions by doing what it takes to be successful. She argues this is yet another reason why women are held back and why they hold themselves back.

“Acting in stereotypically feminine ways makes it difficult to reach for the same opportunities as men, but defying expectations and reaching for those opportunities leads to being judged as undeserving and selfish.” (p.43)

The double bind makes it difficult for women to advocate for themselves or to negotiate as freely as men. The desire to be liked increases the incentive to avoid criticism.

To get around this dilemma, Sandberg advises women to “Think personally, act communally.” Be “concerned about others and “provide a legitimate explanation for the negotiation.” (p.47)

She took her own advice when negotiating with Zuckerberg over his offer to be CEO at Facebook. Initially she was reluctant to negotiate, “afraid of doing anything that would botch the deal”. A push from her brother-in-law who told her, “no man at [that] level would consider taking the first offer,” sent her back to the table to negotiate. (p.46)

“Of course you realize that you’re hiring me to run your deal teams, so you want me to be a good negotiator. This is the only time you and I will ever be on opposite sides of the table.” (p.46)

She also advices, when criticism comes your way, allow yourself time to be upset and then move on. And above all, for women to support one another. But that double bind is pretty stubbornly in place no matter what women do.

My Take

For me this chapter has been a difficult one to get my head around. The complexities are mind boggling. The double bind spins out is so many different directions for the Christian career woman. It impacts how she is viewed both on the job and in the church where the male/female stereotypes intensify. And men aren’t the only ones to criticize. Other women can be our most severe critics.

On the job, if a woman succeeds in her career, the hard work, sacrifices, and tough choices it took to get her there cause her all too often to be perceived and described (behind closed doors) with a word that rhymes with “itchy.” When men make the same kind of career climb, they are perceived as admirable and visionary.

In the church, that same success can make a woman seem intimidating and result in her being marginalized and underutilized. But career success will bring recognition and leadership opportunities for a man. The church also houses an ongoing tension between women in the workplace and full-time homemakers. And gender based stereotypical thinking (frequently preached as gospel from pulpits) boxes us in, impacts likeability, and hinders us from doing what God is calling us to do.

The double bind is real. The ensuing struggle can be agonizing. I know this from personal experience.

I think of myself as likeable—Frank often tells me how much he likes me. In my calling as a Christian writer, I have always sought to write in a way that is both gracious and honest (this is success for me). But that didn’t prevent me from receiving hate mail from Christians telling me I’m “unbiblical,” “hateful,” a “feminist heretic,” and that I “deny the Bible and the gospel.” (I could go on, but alas I have to finish this blog). I confess, such words sting, even though I know they are untrue. As I translate Sandberg’s admonitions into my own life, the issue is likeability and honesty. If I am honest with my biblical studies, my likeability may take a hit. If I am a “good girl” and bite my tongue, then I am more likeable.

For all the hurtfulness I have encountered, I know that I am far from alone.

A good friend who was a business executive believed God had called her to ministry in the church—not to be a pastor, just to serve. She gave up a lucrative career in the aerospace industry to follow that call. She was professional and competent with a likeable personality. But she was also a straight shooter and not at all governed by a fear of being disliked. During employment interviews with the men, she negotiated for a job title that more accurately described her responsibilities. The men were taken aback that she took herself so seriously and considered her a bit uppity (although any one of them in her position would have done the same thing). She didn’t back down and was successful. But her success dramatically impacted her likeability factor which dropped before she worked a single day. After a year of continual resistance, she returned to the aerospace industry where her strengths were valued and taken seriously.

So like Sally Fields—I want to be liked. I also want to be successful and for me, that is bound up with my call from God. When push comes to shove, the bottom line for all of us not ultimately likeability, but will I do what God is calling me to do, even if I am perceived as something that rhymes with “itchy.”

So What’s Your Take?

How have you experienced different standards for men and women? How have you struggled with the double bind? Have you been criticized by other women? What have you learned? How have you moved forward?

Lean in with your comments!

Next Wednesday, May 22—Chapter 4: It’s a Jungle Gym, Not a Ladder

Previous Lean In Posts …

• Introduction: Women, Work and the Church
• Chapter 1: The Leadership Ambition Gap
• Chapter 2: Sit at the Table 

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in a seminary classroom completely absorbed listening to Dr. Bruce K. Waltke lecture on the Old Testament. (Those who have ever heard him lecture will know exactly what I mean.)

Nothing—absolutely nothing—could have prepared me for what he would say when he got to the Old Testament book of Ruth and started talking about what scholars like Dr. Robert Hubbard were learning as they continued to drill deeper.

Sometimes I do think they should install seat belts in seminary classrooms.

I’d heard and loved the story of Ruth all my life and thought I knew her story as well as my own. Having said that, the “Happily ever after!” ending and Ruth’s relegation to the “women’s section” of the Bible always bothered me. Still, my familiarity with Ruth’s story meant my guard was down.

As I would write later, what I heard that day “effectively removed the shrink-wrap that for generations has encased Ruth. She emerges, not as the passive, deferential, demure woman we once thought we knew, but as a surprisingly gutsy risk taker.”

Domaine Lyon Saint Joseph

I was blown away. No more Cinderella! No, this is a real story for real women in the real world! 

It was a watershed moment for me. I had to stop and rethink my whole life. (Don’t imagine that was painless either.) But there was no way around it. The more I dug into the text, the richer and deeper the story got, the more responsibility I felt before God, and the more rethinking and changing I had to do.

Some women say finding Deborah, Huldah, Esther, Mary Magdalene, Priscilla, or Junia in the Bible is what changed everything for them—helped them realize how seriously God takes his daughters and gave them the courage to step up and answer his call on their lives.

Ruth did that for me.

The hard part for me was knowing women in the pews weren’t hearing this message. I knew I had to get it out.

Now The Book of Ruth: Loving God Enough to Break the Rules is not only spreading that message to women, it is pulling Ruth out of the “women’s section” of the Bible and the bookstore. You’d be surprised how many men I’m hearing from who have read it.

And this weekend, I’m going back to Lyon, France and taking Ruth with me. I can hardly wait to share this stunning news with my incredible ezer-friends at the 2013 Lifesprings Ministries International women’s retreat at Domaine Lyon Saint Joseph.

I hope they’ll be wearing seat belts!

with Lifesprings 2012 Retreat Leadership Team

It comes with the turf. Writers and bloggers are going to hear from people who love what they’re doing, as well as from those who hate their work, think they’ve crossed the line, and who sometimes cross the line themselves in how they express their differences.

I can’t remember the exact specifics, but several years ago I read something Philip Yancy said to the effect that it takes a dozen or more good letters to overcome the impact of a single bad one.

My experience confirms Yancy wasn’t blowing smoke. But I also find him wonderfully reassuring and often think of him. I know I’m not alone. Even the gentle Jerry Bridges, an author I admire and count as a personal friend, gets slammed from time to time, if you can believe that. Once he received a scathing letter about one of his books. It was days before he could talk about it.

Ok. So the criticisms come, and I have stretches when I can’t talk either. I get that. Thankfully, encouragements come too.

But sometimes (and no doubt despite a critic’s intentions) the negative emails and comments backfire. They have a way of reinforcing why I do what I do and stiffening my spine. The comment below is a perfect example. Posted recently under the bold name “anonymous,” it is a belated response from a young single woman to the first blog I ever posted: The Return of the Ezer.

Mrs. James,

As a young woman in the church I look forward to marrying a godly man and submitting myself to him. As women, God has called all of us to be wives and mothers. Even if God does not bless us with a husband and children, we need to be spiritual mothers to the children of the church. We must not try to reinterpret the Word of God and by doing so, justify our disobedience and rebelliousness. When God said women are made to be man’s helpers, He meant it. Yes, men need women. God created men and women equal, but He gave us both different roles. Husbands were made to protect, provide for, and rule over their wives. And wives were made to submit to and love their husbands. Stop denying this. Accept God’s will for you and He will bless you with great peace.

I have been and will continue to pray for you, dear sister. Do not continue in your rebellion. Embrace the role God has given you.

Anonymous

Rather than let this commenter’s words remain buried deep beneath several years of blog posts, I thought her comments warranted more attention. Having been single myself for several years post-college, I know the longings she describes. A lot of singles, widows, and divorcees can relate.

I also once shared her assumptions about calling and marriage. But singleness and infertility forced me to ask deeper, harder questions of scripture. Is it possible that God would call his daughters to something that remains beyond the reach of some through no fault of their own or that we can lose or be cheated of God’s purpose for us as women? Despite our natural longings does God mean to tell us that his design is that for all of us the fulfillment of our highest and first calling is to be found in marriage and motherhood, which inevitably means anything else is second best?

The narrative of the ezer’s creation in Genesis 2 rescues us from this kind of limited, stalled thinking and brings God’s purposes for his daughters into the active present regardless of how young or old we are or what season or circumstance we’re in.

It saddens me when women don’t see this.

The honest truth (which this commenter admits and reality confirms) is that God doesn’t provide every woman with a husband and children. Even for some wives and mothers those callings can be tragically short-lived. I just heard the story of a woman who was widowed in her twenties and when she remarried several years later found she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. God doesn’t give every woman the same calling, but we can be sure of the fact that he does give every woman a calling, and he is endlessly creative and free in distributing all sorts of callings to us—sometimes multiple callings all at once. And he reserves the right from time to time and without notice to bring one calling to a screeching halt and start up another.

I am currently witnessing the marvel of my mother’s embrace of a new calling to the people she lives with in an assisted living retirement community. This follows 32 years of having at least one of her four kids at home and 69 years as my dad’s ezer (that’s how he described her to me). She isn’t finished. God has more for her to do, and she is courageously following him into this new chapter, despite the daily grief of missing my dad.

As for submission … I’ve written extensively about submission in The Gospel of Ruth as an attribute of Jesus that all of God’s image bearers—yes, men too—are called to emulate. Submission is a call to something much deeper and sacred, much more demanding and thoughtful, and far more gospel than what we typically envision. Submission is not the abdication but the embrace of responsibility. It doesn’t mean bringing less of ourselves into marriage, but our whole selves. We trivialize submission with the notion of a tie-breaker or the typical “Ok dear, we’ll do it your way” brand of submission so often accompanied by the gritting of wifely teeth and the build up of resentment. Submission isn’t so much about conflict resolution as it is a call to a bone-of-my-bones oneness in marriage that requires mutual sacrifice, putting the interests of another ahead of ourselves, and working together to make wise decisions. This is radical. This is how the gospel is lived out in marriage.

So keep those emails and comments coming. They make me think and rethink and more often than not inject fresh energy and resolve into my calling.

“The Bible doesn’t merely leave the door ajar for some women to become leaders; it actually makes a rather emphatic case that God expects his daughters to be leaders. A lot is riding on our willingness to see this. It is not overstating things to say that there are dire global repercussions if half the church reluctantly backs away from something this important or imagines that this only concerns a select group of women and the male half of the church. This is not to advocate anarchy, insurrection, or disregard for the authority structures we all live within, nor does it create a scenario where we are all pulling in different directions. Rather, it is to redefine leadership in kingdom/gospel terms.”

“Taking initiative pays off. It is hard to visualize someone as a leader if she is always waiting to be told what to do.” 

Comments during last week’s discussion of Lean In: The Ambition Leadership Gap were, as Pamela pointed out, “poignant…and so nuanced.”

Lori wrote, “Without ambition there is no drive or impetus for change, so I don’t believe it is bad.” To which Amy added, 

“I’m all in favor of ambition if it means recognizing and embracing the gifts God has given you and where he has placed you, and reaching forward to do the most you can with that. I don’t see that as a selfish act. It’s a matter of stewardship and whole-life worship if we’re motivated by that and we’re reflecting God’s character in the process.”

I’m eager to hear your comments on this next chapter from Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. So let’s dive into Chapter 2 on confidence or the lack thereof, reflected by whether or not women “Sit at the Table.”

Sandberg’s Take

Sheryl opened this chapter and also her TEDTalk with the story of a meeting she hosted at Facebook for Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and four members of his staff—all women. As the mostly male attendees took their seats at the table, the four women chose chairs off to the side.  Sheryl’s efforts to get them to move to the table were declined. She writes,

“The four women had every right to be at this meeting, but because of their seating choice, they seemed like spectators rather than participants.” (p.27)

Sandberg banks off of this example to explore a basic lack of confidence found more frequently in women than in men. Self-doubt results in pulling back instead of assuming (both mentally and physically) a rightful place at the table. According to Sandberg, self-doubt can actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy in how it negatively impacts performance and in how women assess and negotiate their financial worth.

“This phenomenon of capable people being plagued by self-doubt has a name—the imposter syndrome. Both men and women are susceptible … but women tend to experience it more intensely and be more limited by it.” (p.29)

She sees a lack of confidence reflected in how men and women talk differently about their successes—men pointing to their “innate qualities and skills,” and women attributing their success “to external factors” such as hard work, luck, and help from others.  (p.29)

But pulling back is not a strategy for success, much less for advancement in the workplace. Taking initiative—”jumping in to do something … your ability to learn quickly and contribute quickly is what matters.” (p35)  She goes so far as to advocate faking it until you get the hang of things.

To underscore her own struggle with self-doubt, Sandberg tells how she reacted with embarrassment instead of gratitude to the news that Forbes ranked her fifth on their 2011 World’s 100 Most Powerful Women list.

” … in order to continue to grow and challenge myself, I have to believe in my own abilities. I still face situations that I fear are beyond my capabilities. I still have days when I feel like a fraud. And I still sometimes find myself spoken over and discounted while men sitting next to me are not. But now I know how to take a deep breath and keep my hand up. I have learned to sit at the table.” (p.38)

My Take 

Sandberg nails me in this chapter. She took me back to when I was about to graduate from seminary and trying to figure out what was next. I received a phone call (actually several) from the Dean of a small Midwestern Christian college who wanted me to consider becoming their Dean of Women. I was interested. Then he added that they also wanted me to teach some courses in sociology, my college major.

That was the moment I exhibited all of the symptoms of low self-confidence that Sheryl describes in this chapter.  I figured (naively I admit) that I could handle being Dean of Women, although that part of the job would have come with a steep learning curve too. But teach sociology? In a college classroom? With real live students? Just the thought of it caused insecurities to break out all over me.

So instead of jumping at the opportunity that just landed in my lap, I walked away.

Looking back, I confess to feelings of regret. I have to be careful how I say that, because I met Frank at the church where I subsequently served on staff. Having said that I should add that if he’d been around at the time, I never would have gotten away with turning down that job.

Although not every woman suffers from a lack of confidence, there are plenty who do. It’s one thing to identify a problem, but until we zero in on the causes and address them, these problems will persist.

Sandberg identifies the reason I pulled back from a challenging job offer. My training didn’t match up with what the job required—at least I didn’t think it did. And for that reason, I didn’t feel qualified. My lacked of confidence kept me from accepting the challenge and taking a risk.

There are other underlying factors that contribute to a woman’s reluctance to sit confidently at the table. Certainly the fact that girls are often conditioned differently from boys both in the wider culture and also in Christian circles factors in. The false expectation that there will always be a man to protect and provide for a woman isn’t a recipe for building self-confidence, but automatically sets her in a lower gear.

And despite all the progress women have made in the workplace, there is still an unspoken assumption that we are invading male space when we arrive at the table. That can make a woman ill at ease and cause her to hesitate when taking a seat at the table. Sometimes that assumption gets reinforced by the dynamics around that table after she sits down.

Networking is all too often a missing piece for women, where it is second nature for men in business. It was completely absent for me when I was approached for that Dean of Women position. Having someone to talk to who knows the ropes and will back you is unquestionably a significant confidence booster. Just knowing you’re not alone can make a difference in how confidently you move forward. Simply picking up the phone and calling one of my college professors might have helped me over that lack of confidence hump. I didn’t even think of it. The Internet opens new possibilities for how networking can take place. We need to make more of these resources to help each other move forward.

The “fake it ’til you make it” approach may seem iffy to some. And to be sure there are limits to how that works. No one wants to go under the knife with a surgeon who is bluffing. But, on the other hand: do I have to master a subject or skill before I engage?  What makes work both exciting and fulfilling is when we don’t have all the answers and have problems to solve, opportunities to create, new ideas to develop, and the chance to learn and grow and  step into greater responsibility. Sometimes it takes getting in over our heads to tap into the potential that will otherwise lie buried in us.

As I think about this, I’m convinced God never intended for his daughters to do life with their foot on the brake or as passive spectators. The Blessed Alliance means we belong at the table with our brothers and, what is more, they need us to join them there. When we settle for a seat on the sidelines, we abdicate our God-given calling as his image bearers, and everyone loses.

“God means for his image bearers to reach and grow, to aspire and explore, to find out who he created us to be.” He regularly “pushes us out of the box, out of our comfort zone, out of complacency or resignation or defeat, out of contentment with ourselves and with things as they are—to engage and to live vigorously and deliberately for God’s purposes.”

—Half the Church

So What’s Your Take?

How would you rank yourself on the confidence scale? What reasons have you observed for why women hold back and which ones have affected you? Do you agree that women struggle with this more than men? Why or why not?

How are you fairing with the challenge to “Sit at the table?”

Lean in with your comments!
 

Next Wednesday, May 15—Chapter 3: Success and Likeability

Previous Lean In Posts …

• Introduction: Women, Work and the Church
• Chapter 1: The Leadership Ambition Gap

Henry Ossawa Tanner, The Annunciation

Last week’s online discussion of “The Leadership Ambition Gap” from Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In, reminded me of a predicament I faced a few years back when I was nearly overcome with fear.

I had been asked to give a brief plenary message on the conference theme: “Fear.” Ironically, fear was not only my topic, it became a raging battle inside my heart.

The conference came shortly after the Mt. Hood crisis in Oregon where my brother-in-law Kelly James lost his life, along with his climbing partners Brian Hall and Nikko Cook. That whole week our family’s emotional circuits were overloaded with fear.

I knew conference leaders were interested in hearing about that fear-filled week.

But I was feeling a strong inner urge to talk about a different kind of fear. It was a fear that the conference had overlooked among the wide variety of fears that were addressed. The fear I wanted to include was contained in most of last week’s Lean In comments. It was the fear I was feeling intensely at the time—the fear that causes women to hold back.

Last week’s comments about obstacles to ambition included the fear of being selfish, of conduct inappropriate for a “godly” woman, of being too strong or too opinionated, of messing up in trying to balance work and home, of letting God or family down.

As the conference approached and I weighed my options, fear shaped the internal messages I was hearing. I liked the conference hosts and wanted them to like me in return. I felt the honor of being invited to speak. Would I offend them? Would I be accused of sounding like a liberal feminist? Would I spoil opportunities for other women to speak in future plenary sessions? Would my words rock the boat and upset conferees? Would people criticize and think less of me?

I was leaning toward taking the easy way out . . . until I bumped into my friend Rebecca Gilmer who knew nothing about my dilemma but whose ezer-warrior fightin’ words in a conversation about something else landed squarely in my dilemma. “We need to do whatever God is calling us to do, even if it means standing alone.”

I was cornered. I knew what I had to do.

The conversation with Rebecca didn’t alleviate my fears. It merely meant I had to overcome them. What fueled my courage as I prepared was noting how often the words “Fear not” (or their equivalent) are spoken to a whole line-up of women in the Bible right when God was calling them to step out of their comfort zone to do something ambitious (and culturally outrageous) for God’s kingdom. And to put things in perspective for me, the level of fear they experienced was often because the consequences for their actions could be life-threatening.

Audacious Mary of Nazareth

Jesus’ own mother was the first female in the New Testament to hear the words “Fear not” when the angel called her to do something “inappropriate for a godly woman”—agree to an out-of-wedlock pregnancy.  The angel’s “Fear not” wasn’t just for poetic effect. This young teenager had reason to fear both the angel and the consequences of the job she was being called to do. In the ancient culture, this kind of pregnancy was not considered a misstep, but a violation of family honor that must be answered and was punishable by shunning, divorce, or death. Yet Mary didn’t give fear the final word, but risked her life to answer God’s call.

Trailblazing Mary of Bethany

Mary of Bethany broke through a glass ceiling of her day when she made the bold decision to sit at the feet of Rabbi Jesus and learn along with the men. In her interactions with Jesus she became a magnet for criticism both from men and from women. But reading between the lines of Jesus’ repeated defense of her, the message of “Fear not” comes through loud and clear. “Fear not” was embedded in Jesus defense of her choice to forgo kitchen duty to learn from him as “the better choice.” She heard it again when she affirmed his mission by anointing him for his burial and he issued a thundering rebuke to her male critics, “Leave her alone! She has done a beautiful thing to me.”

Women Proclaimers of the Gospel

And who can forget the women at Jesus’ tomb who were the first eyewitnesses of his resurrection. You’ve heard it before many times, I feel sure. But in the first century culture, women were not considered credible witnesses. So the women needed to hear that firm “Fear not” when they were commissioned to use their voices by taking the most important message ever to their brothers—a message that would cause the men to roll their eyes and think the women were nuts.They used their voices anyway.

Rewind to the Old Testament, and there are plenty of stories of women facing down their fears.

Esther the Bold

Esther’s fear was in the realm of politics, power, and a threatened genocide. Mordecia’s ultimatum was a direct challenge for her to step out alone and break the law by initiating an uninvited meeting with the king—action that was a capital offense.

“Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape.  For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?”

Those are Rebecca Gilmer ezer-warrior fightin’ words, and Esther accepted the challenge. Her actions resulted in career advancement for both her and for Mordecai. No longer existing solely for the king’s pleasure, Esther moved into a position of powerful influence in the empire.

Ruth the Initiator

Ruth the Moabitess had to throw off layers of fear as a defenseless widow and an immigrant outsider in Bethlehem. But despite the risks to a lone woman, she entered the workplace to bring home the bacon (actually it was barley) for Naomi. Twice she faced the powerful Boaz and twice with outrageous proposals that involved reinterpreting the Mosaic law he’d been raised on—first to bend the gleaning laws to insure Naomi would be well fed and second to join her plan to rescue Naomi’s family by giving birth to a son. Ruth’s story was a total game changer for me and not at all the Cinderella version we’re usually taught. (For more, read The Gospel of Ruth: Loving God Enough to Break the Rules.)

Boaz never called her “bossy.” He didn’t accuse her of being “selfish,” “too strong” or “opinionated,” even though her initiatives crossed the line of “appropriate behavior for godly women,” pushed Boaz out of the box, and required him to make sacrifices too.

Boaz was a man’s man—big enough to listen and to learn from her. Boaz said “Fear not” to Ruth and did everything in his power to promote her righteous cause.

Embracing A Fear-less Legacy

The Bible doesn’t teach us to keep looking over our shoulders to see if others approve of us or to second guess ourselves when we see an opportunity to do more or to rise to the next level in the work God has given us to do. We’re told to fix our eyes on Jesus, to love God with every fiber of our being and give ourselves wholeheartedly to his purposes.

That includes shedding fear and embracing challenges and opportunities in the workplace.

Which is why Sandberg’s question is so on target. “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

If you missed last week’s discussion, you can still add your comments:  “The Leadership Ambition Gap”

Join us tomorrow for Chapter 2: Sit at the Table.

For a long time women have been expressing their thoughts about the awkwardness and painfulness of Mother’s Day at church. Lots of us have felt it, for more reasons that you might think.

Pastors who have heard the stories are probably feeling pretty awkward too. There’s no easy way out.

A few years ago, I blogged on Jesus’ startling response when given the opportunity to pay a Mother’s Day tribute to his mother. See Happy Ezer Day!

This year, Amy in the Messy Middle came to everyone’s rescue when she blogged An Open Letter to Pastors {A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother’s Day}. 

I don’t think she forgot anyone.

So if you’re a pastor who plans to do the usual, please read Amy’s post. Or, if you’re a pastor who is dreading Mother’s Day too, searching for the right words to say, and not sure how to avoid hurting someone, please read Amy’s post.

Hopefully, this year a lot of women will be glad they didn’t skip church on Mother’s Day.

At the 2013 Justice Conference in Philadelphia, Nicholas Wolterstorf said what ignited his  fierce passion for justice was coming face-to-face with victims of injustice. Two encounters in particular changed everything for him: first, a meeting with South African blacks during Apartheid and the second with Christian Palestinians. He sensed it as a call from God and believed he would be disobedient to excuse himself by saying their suffering wasn’t his business.

I could relate. My own awakening to my call to justice started with similar encounters. At first, mine happened in books—more than one. But Half the Sky hit me with a force that became a point of no return. Real faces came next. I am haunted by the memory of scantily clad girls walking the cold night streets of Zurich; a young blond girl in the Amsterdam airport; an Asian girl—still a child—in Lyon, France. Then I had a conversation over coffee with two young American women who were trafficking survivors. Faces of all those women are seared into my memory. They keep my passion for justice alive.

Yet as powerfully disturbing and impossible to shake as those memories are, faces alone aren’t enough. It’s just too easy to get swallowed up in whatever pressing matter happens to be on my plate for today. Which is why this video, strong as it is, doesn’t go far enough.

Wolterstorf and Half the Church give deeper reasons for our call to justice. It’s hard to escape what God asks of me and why justice should remain high on my radar when the God I’m called to represent is a God of justice. 

“For the LORD is a God of justice” (Isa 30:18); “The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed … the LORD secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy” (Psalm 103:6; 140:12). 

Hard to escape what it means to follow Jesus when I observe how he reached out to the poor, the hungry, the marginalized, and the suffering and I witness his heart for justice.  

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” (Luke 4:18-19).

The roots of social justice run deep—deep into the human soul’s ability to be moved with compassion for the suffering and with indignation over evil; deep into God’s heart for justice in his world, and central to Jesus’ mission in “reconciling all things to himself.”

Christian critics and skeptics question the church’s renewed commitment to social justice. They may challenge the notion that social justice is the necessary outworking of Jesus’ Gospel. They may predict (and I’ve heard them do this) that social justice is just another passing fad, that the current enthusiasm for social justice in evangelical circles will eventually run its course. The church will lose interest and move on to whatever new big idea comes next.

I pray we prove them wrong and that one day they’ll find themselves joining us in this Kingdom battle.