Carolyn Custis James

One reason emotionally destructive marriages are able to exist and fester within in the Body of Christ is the fact that people who can intervene—pastors, elders, church leaders, etc.—don’t know what to do.

Wednesday, April 2 (that’s tomorrow!), from 1-2:00pm/ET, RBC ministries is offering a live webinar with experts on the subject. This is a strategic opportunity to raise awareness and learn about how to deal with this ongoing problem that is causing enormous distress, suffering, and harm to women (and no doubt some men as well) who find themselves in an emotionally destructive relationship.

To register for the webinar go to: http://bit.ly/Pdb7UX

IMPORTANT NOTE! The webinar will be available afterward it airs to anyone who pre-registers. But you have to pre-register to have access. 
 
And please forward the link to your pastors and other church leaders.

If you’re caught in an emotionally destructive marriage or wanting to help someone who is, you will also want to be aware of Leslie Vernick’s new book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your voice & Reclaim Your Hope which

“. . . blows the lid off of the silence surrounding this serious epidemic in the church. It is packed with the kind of solid practical wisdom and bracing straight talk women need to face reality and engage safely the crisis in their marriage. Every Christian leader should read this eye-opening corrective to damaging advice often coming from the church to women in abusive marriages. Women who are at the end of their rope will find this book to be an invaluable lifeline.”

Just got back from great meetings in Grand Rapids, and I’m off again.

Last Thursday I recorded a series of 12 segments on The Gospel of Ruth for Discover the Word with Elisa Morgan and Mart DeHaan. The interaction was unforgettable! And of course getting to spend time with Elisa was worth the trip.

The series will air in December.

Then, over to Zondervan’s new headquarters for a strategy session on my next book which will turn the focus on men. I’m going to need your help in a survey about titles, so stay tuned for that.

Monday, March 24, I’m back in Massachusetts at Gordon College to participate in Human Rights Week. I’ll be speaking at two session: Chapel in the morning and then an evening lecture that is open to the public.

If you’re in the area and interested in coming, here are the details:

Gordon College 255 Grapevine Road Wenham, MA 01984 Ken Olson Science Center Auditorium (room 104)
7:00-9:00 pm

Next weekend, I’m speaking at a special dinner, “She Moves: An Evening of Encouragement for Women on Mission” at Fresh Expressions in Alexandria, Virginia.

All the information is below. To register, go to http://guestli.st/223950

One more … while I’m at it.

If you’re in the Philadelphia area, here’s another event to reserve on your calendar. This year’s theme is “How faith communities respond to trauma.” Phil Monroe is going to be the Keynote Speaker. You’ll recall Phil from the posts he wrote as part of the series I did last summer on Spiritual Abuse.

I’m participating on a panel on how communities of faith hurt individuals. The workshop title is “Don’t Throw the First Stone.” Can’t wait to see how that turns out!

If you’re at any of these events, please be sure to come and say “Hi!”

“My evangelical brothers and sisters, we have an abuse problem and we need to talk about it. Talking about it does far less damage to Christ’s reputation in the world than covering it up.”            

Rachel’s bold blog post, “Patriarchy and Abusive Churches,” confronts evangelicals with the disturbing issue of sexual abuse within our ranks.

Rachel’s article is sure to rankle some, especially as she identifies cultural forces of patriarchy as contributing factors in abusive situations with compelling examples to back up her assertions. But silence, defensiveness, and inaction cannot be options for those who claim to follow Jesus. Whether you’re complementarian or egalitarian, ignoring the issue or assuming “all is well” wherever you worship inevitably means empowering and providing safe haven for the abuser and putting the vulnerable at risk.

Please take time to read her entire post, including the comments.

We can and must be fearless in raising this and other abuse issues with leaders in our churches and ministry organizations. For resources to help church leaders take appropriate steps to address and prevent abuse and to make the church the safe and healing community Jesus means for us to be, go to G.R.A.C.E.

See also:

“The Perfect Storm”
“From Angst to Action—Preventing Spiritual Abuse”

This will be a lot easier for Frank than for me, since he’s a Morning person (with a capital “M”) and maintains the theory that “People who get up early win.”

It is one of my life goals to prove him wrong.

We may no longer live in separate states, but we still live in different time zones. His time zone is somewhere near Moscow, and, as writers often tend to be night owls, I prefer Hawaii time. 

But this Thursday, I’m making an exception and will be joining the early risers to hear Frank speak.

This is the first of BTS’s 2014 Breakfast with Biblical series. The schedule is listed below.

Thursday mornings, March 13 – May 1, 2014 

6:30 a.m. – 7:30 a.m. (doors open at 6 a.m.) 

Biblical Seminary Chapel 

200 North Main Street 

Hatfield, Pennsylvania 19440

If you’re in the area, I hope you’ll consider getting up early and joining the “winners” who come for Breakfast with Biblical.

March 13 – Frank A. James III, DPhil, PhD, President BTS
• Matthew 22:34-40 (On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.)

March 20 – Paul Kemper, Lead Pastor, Bridge Community Church (BTS alum)

March 27 – Todd Mangum, BTS Academic Dean and Professor of Theology
• Matthew 7:1-14

April 3 – Dan Williams, BTS Assistant Professor of Practical Theology and Urban Program Director 

April 10 – Jessica Hansford, Addictions Counselor, Livengrin Foundation (BTS alum) • Passage TBD

April 17 – Steve Taylor, BTS Associate Professor of NT
• Luke 10:25-37 (the Parable of the Good Samaritan)

April 24 – Dave Dunbar, BTS President Emeritus and Professor of Theology

May 1 – Dave Lamb, BTS Associate Professor of OT
• Exodus 20, 34 and Deuteronomy 4, 5, & 10 (the Ten Commandments or the broader law throughout Deuteronomy)

Our house in Boxford is sold. The Hallelujah Chorus has been resounding from New England to Pennsylvania. And after eight long months of living in separate states Frank and I are finally back together—now in his Hobbit Hole!

Turns out the landlord hadn’t read the book, seen any of the movies, or even heard of Tolkien or hobbits. So we had a bit of explaining to do when he was puzzling over why we were calling his meticulously cared for basement apartment a “hole.”

Despite Tolkien and Hollywood depictions, this Hobbit Hole doesn’t have a round door or gnomes coming and going. There isn’t (and unfortunately won’t be) always something delicious stewing in the kettle. But it is underground, and definitely cozy, and what will be brewing here is my next book, which is already underway.  (More about that in future posts.)

Life doesn’t stop for a moving van, and this move couldn’t have happened at a busier time. The move to Pennsylvania was sandwiched in between conferences that took me to Bend, Oregon for the New Hope Church Women’s “Beyond Compassion” Conference, to Chevy Chase, Maryland where I teamed up with Frank in a seminar titled “His- and Her-meneutics” at the Ecclesia Gathering, and straight from there to Annapolis, Maryland for The Falls Church’s Annual Women’s Retreat.

Good thing these conferences energize me (which they do), or I’d be more exhausted than I actually am. But the eye-opening response of ezers to God’s calling on their lives when they hear the messages of When Life and Beliefs Collide and Half the Church definitely keeps me going.

After the chaos of the last few months—not to mention one of New England’s worst winters on record—the simpler life of the Hobbit Hole appeals to me and should afford ample time and quiet between road trips for writing.

Many thanks to those who prayed us through this transition! It was a long time coming, but we’re excited about the new chapter God is opening for us in Pennsylvania.

January ended on a high note after an  incredible weekend at the Mount Hermon Conference Center with the women of Peninsula Bible Church Cupertino.

Not only was the weekend an unexpected coming-full-circle for me (I have vivid memories of sitting in that same auditorium with my parents and brothers when I was a sixth grader), it was also an opportunity to speak the ezer-warrior message into the lives of a lot of women.

Believe me, that message took!

If you live in the San Jose/Silicon Valley area, don’t be surprised to spot an occasional car sporting an ezer bumper magnet. But I suspect you’ll be seeing a whole lot more than bumper stickers. The women I met are serious about their lives, the gospel, and the kingdom of God, and they are moving forward to engage the challenges, opportunities, and battles wherever God has stationed them!

It may look as though some of those California women got a little carried away with the ezer-warrior message, (especially the worship team with their rhinestone viking helmets!). But frankly this wasn’t the first time something like this has happened. Alaska ezers aren’t holding back either.

Peninsula Bible Church Cupertino Worship Team

Faith Christian Community Anchorage Ezer-warriors

To be honest, I’m not sure it’s possible to get too carried away with God’s calling on our lives or that it’s even worth our time to worry that we might. That whole line of thinking fades if we stop to consider the urgency of the kingdom battles he calls us to fight or the cost to others when we refuse to step up.

If the Parable of the Stewards means anything, Jesus takes a dim view of things when those who follow him hold back with the gifts and opportunities he entrusts to us. Besides, when we see Jesus, what would we rather be explaining to him—that we did too much or too little for his kingdom? 

I’m already hearing back from Cupertino that Peninsula Bible ezers have caught the vision and are determined to live boldly as they follow Jesus in pushing back the darkness and working to reclaim lives and territory the Enemy has seized. This is incredible gospel good news for a lot of people and truly bad news for the Enemy who prefers it when God’s ezers live small cautious lives.   

This weekend, I’m taking the ezer message to Bend, Oregon for New Hope Church Women’s Justice Conference: “Beyond Compassion”  

If you’re in the neighborhood, I hope you’ll join us and get carried away with God’s calling on your life too!

In 2012, Malala Yousafzai, a young Pakistani school girl and activist for education for girls was gunned down by the Taliban in an attempt to silence her for good. Instead, they gave her voice a global audience and drew people to her cause.

On her 16th birthday, after an arduous but determined battle to recovery, Malala stood before the United Nations General Assembly—poised and unbending—to reiterate her fierce commitment to education for all children.

“The Taliban … thought that the bullets would silence us. But they failed. And out of that silence came thousands of voices. The terrorists thought they would change my aims and stop my ambitions. But nothing changed in my life except this: weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage were born. I am the same Malala. My ambitions are the same. My hopes are the same. And my dreams are the same.”

The kind of tough-minded steely determination Malala displayed against repeated Taliban
threats and the winds of powerful religious and cultural opposition is awe inspiring.

In Christian circles, it’s one thing to admire women of strength and courage, but then female strength and stubbornness don’t make the list of appropriate attributes for a godly woman. We may admire (as biblical writers do) strong and fearlessly determined women like Tamar, Rahab, Deborah, Esther, the Marys of Nazareth, Bethany, and Magdala, Priscilla, and Junia, but that doesn’t change the fact that their examples are not included in discussions of qualities we expect our daughters and ourselves to cultivate as followers of Jesus.

It’s hard to understand how Christians can affirm the authority of the Bible and yet systematically remove the portraits of these strong women from the gallery of biblical role models for us.

In the process, we are turned away from owning aspects of ourselves that God designed and means for us to cultivate and employ. It can cause us to be caught off guard instead of on the ready for the moment when God calls us to draw on that kind of fierce determination in battles we must face.

In “All the Flinty Women,” author Brian Doyle reflects on the death of his grandmother and what his father had to say about women.

“My father said the women in my mother’s family had wills so adamant and granitic that you could get a fire started by using flint against their wills to get the necessary spark…. My father said Mary Magdalene was a remarkable woman with a granitic will and a love bigger than the ocean, and she ought to be acclaimed more than all the muddled apostles put together.”

I have to ask myself, What legacy do I want to embrace and perpetuate as a follower of Jesus? How can any of us—from young girls to elderly women—imagine God would call us ezers and not also summon us to battles as fierce as those these so-called “exceptional” women faced? [For more on the meaning of ezer, see “The Return of the Ezer”] What is the cost to ourselves, our brothers, and God’s mission in the world if we are reticent to exercise the gifts of strength, stubbornness, and courage that God has entrusted to his daughters?

As we all become aware and better informed of the unchecked corruption of spiritual, verbal, domestic, and sexual abuse that fester within the Body of Christ and epidemic levels of rampant injustice in our own culture and worldwide, at what terrible price to others do we excuse ourselves from straightening our spines and stepping up?

If the small but courageous voice of one wounded Pakistani teenager can stand so unyieldingly against such frightening odds, what potential has God entrusted to us? Are we even curious enough to find out?

This is a day for God’s ezer-warriors to engage these battles with “wills so adamant and granitic that you could get a fire started by using flint against their wills to get the necessary spark.”

[Originally published by FullFill in the Fall 2013 {Think} column and reprinted with permission here.]

Haddon Robinson, Alice Mathews, Mart De Haan

• A conversation about God’s plan for women
• Rediscover what it means to be made in the image of God
• You have an important role to play in God’s plan

Frank and I were in the air somewhere over Central Florida last Friday when Nicholas Kristof (NYTimes journalist) was hosting the Google Hangout on #humantrafficking. Needless to say, I was frustrated to miss it.

My frustration ended when I realized the entire discussion was available on YouTube.

Frank and I just watched the entire 45 minutes, which is an excellent opportunity to hear from experts on the subject of human trafficking. If you watch it too (which I hope you will), you will understand why it provoked a deep discussion between the two of us on the complexity of the whole human trafficking epidemic and the strategic role Christians have in addressing this problem.

Christian theology (especially Christian anthropology—check out Half the Church) has the power to destroy the roots of these atrocities and replace them with a way of interacting as human beings that embodies the kingdom of God and our calling as God’s image bearers.

Human trafficking is one of those crises where there is no neutral position for anyone. To remain silent or ignorant is to fuel the evil. When it comes to human trafficking, ignorance is not bliss. It is complicit. One of the best things we can do to aid the traffickers and abusers is to keep our heads in the sand by refusing to educate ourselves on what is happening and remaining unaware of what we can do. 

Sadly, human trafficking is just the tip of the iceberg. A whole range of evil abuses are destroying the lives of countless women, children, and men. Human trafficking thrives on a continuum of all sorts of abuses where someone with power exploits the powerlessness of the vulnerable.

We may think these problems exist elsewhere in the world, but they are happening right under our noses … right within our Christian community.

Not to put anyone on overload, but after you watch the video, here are resources that point to other forms of abuse that are taking place within today’s church and are currently ~not~ being addressed and are, in some cases, even being excused and defended:

Boz Tchividjian’s article—“Startling Statistics: Child sexual abuse and what the church can begin doing about it”—will open your eyes to the epidemic levels of sexual abuse in the church. Statistics here will rightly alarm and hopefully cause us (especially pastors, elders, deacons, and other ministry leaders) to seek help in addressing these realities right within our own congregations.

While you’re at it, subscribe to Boz’s blog and alert others to this important resource. As former child abuse chief prosecutor and founder and executive director of GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment), Boz is an expert in helping churches address the problem of child sexual abuse. Experts are essential to avoid unintentionally inflicting more suffering on the victims and failing to deal appropriately with perpetrators. He’ll be posting more information and resources on the subject.

The WhitbyForum series on Spiritual Abuse. All of the posts in the series are listed in this final post: From Angst to Action: Preventing Spiritual Abuse. I wrote the series in tandem with Dr. Phil Monroe, Director of Biblical Seminary’s Global Trauma Recovery Institute. 

I’m personally heartened to see how much Christian women and men—adults, teenagers, and children—are doing to combat this humanitarian crisis. But they are few in number. There are many more of us and so much more we can be doing.

It’s time we pulled our heads out of the sand and engaged this urgent kingdom work.