Carolyn Custis James

In July, when I was in the airport and spotted an abandoned backpack, I didn’t assume it was someone else’s responsibility. I knew the drill. “If you see something, say something.”

So I did.

One of the many disturbing aspects of spiritual abuse and a prime reason that it thrives unchecked in so many churches and in highly respected Christian institutions and ministries is because instead of “saying something” when signs of abuse surface, we take the path of least resistance.

“If you see or hear something, mind your own business!”

We may be innocent of perpetrating abuse ourselves. But that innocence doesn’t count for much if we become enablers of spiritual abuse others perpetrate.

No one is in a position safely to assume they’re immune to becoming an enabler. We are all, at one time or another, subjected to the kinds of pressures, expectations, and behavior patterns that produce enablers. More often than not there’s a price to pay for refusing the enabler role and speaking out to address an abusive situation. Throw in the spiritual dimension, and we’ll all end up second guessing ourselves instead of standing up to wrongs.

Psychologist Dr. Phil Monroe contributes two articles on this topic that highlight the causes and the symptoms of enabling that deserve our careful consideration.

Please read both articles and then take a good long look in the mirror.We all need to do this.

For the person on the receiving end of spiritual abuse, nothing is more crushing than silence after they finally gather the courage to tell their story to someone, and the person they turn to for help is dubious or passive or, worse, becomes complicit in the abuse.

Aloneness never felt so alone!

There’s no getting around the fact that spiritual abuse situations are complicated. Even, as Phil describes, sometimes the abuse victim reaches a point where they may seem to be overreacting. People who have never been targeted by an abuser, can’t possibly understand the emotional toll this kind of abuse can take. But where abuse of any sort exists, not to act, is to enable. Passivity and indifference, regardless of the reasons, are ways of enabling the abuser to continue.

Sadly, an enabler can be just as trapped in the abusive system as the victim. They can be just as intimidated and fearful—and for good reason. If they speak up, they may fall from favor, forfeit their place as an insider, become the target of abuse and character assassination, even risk losing their job or future promotions.

They can and do pay a price.

Obviously, the easiest course of action is to do nothing, to keep their head down, and avoid the conflict. Sometimes, to prove their loyalty to the designated spiritual authorities, an enabler defends the abuser and participates in a cover-up. Sometimes the enabler actually engages in a form of abuse by scolding the victim to stop being so divisive, unspiritual, and disloyal, to trust God to take care of things, and to forgive their abuser.

“We’re all sinners, you know.”

Enabling can be passive or active, and any one of us can assume that role. As Phil says,

“Our own weaknesses plus the pressures of our community and the manipulative actions of offenders conspire to make inaction the easier choice.”

There’s little doubt that the potential enabler faces a tough situation. They’re confronted with the choice of acting to be a force for good by addressing the abuse or becoming party to it in one way or another. The pressure is tremendous and a lot of well-intentioned people cave in.

So it’s important for us to look the role of the enabler cold in the eye.

Enabling is not a neutral course of action. The enabler actually escapes nothing despite their desperate efforts to avoid trouble for themselves and take the easy way out. It’s a classic Catch 22 for the potential enabler. No matter which way they turn, they face risk. But here’s the kicker: the price of becoming an enabler is significantly higher than the price anyone will pay for openly addressing and opposing abuse.

Think of it! To enable abuse, puts us in conflict with the gospel and in opposition to God’s vision for us as his image bearers. It is antithetical to how we are to live as followers of Jesus. Enabling creates a scenario where everybody loses—the enabler, the victim, the abuser, and the organization that has become a shelter for abuse.

Despite the driving motive to protect, absolutely nothing and no one is protected.

• Enabling calls us to forfeit our dearest commitments—to supplant our primary loyalty to God with a loyalty to a person or organization whose actions oppose the ways of Jesus.
• Enabling exposes the victim to greater risk, for instead of having an ally in this battle, they are abandoned yet again and their ability to trust a fellow Christian has suffered yet another blow.
• Enabling protects corruption within a church or Christian organization by tolerating and supporting corrupt behavior and opens the door for abuse to spread to others.
• Enabling hurts the enabler whose attempts to self-protect backfire, for it promotes weakness of character, fear, and cowardice instead of the brand of courage and self-sacrifice following Jesus requires.
• Furthermore, enabling does no favors for the abuser, for instead of confronting their sinful abuse of power over others, the enabler reinforces the abuser’s clutch of power, sense of entitlement, and prerogative to abuse others.

This whole discussion reminds me once again that some of the biggest battles we will ever face as followers of Jesus are the battles we must fight with ourselves. Fear and misplaced loyalties can have an iron grip hold on us. But our first loyalty is to Jesus. As Jesus’ followers, we must not allow our own weaknesses, fears, peer pressure, and cultural conditioning to stop us from stepping up and speaking out with courage when there is spiritual abuse.

These are the very battles Jesus calls and equips us to fight.

“So if you see or hear something, say something!”

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How is the role of the potential enabler crucial in breaking the cycle of abuse? How have you seen that happen? What damage have you witnessed or experienced because of enablers? What encouragement can we offer those who are currently battling fear and the urge to go silent because of abusive situations?

Please join in with your comments.

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Here is the complete series on Spiritual Abuse:

• It all started with Lean In: Seek and Speak Your Truth 
• Part 1: This Can of Worms Must be Opened! 
• Part 2: The Perfect Storm
• Part 3: The Many Faces of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 4: Identifying the Triggers of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 5: Standing Up to Spiritual Abusers
• Part 6: The Underlying Belief System of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 7: The Enablers of Spiritual Abuse … or When Silence isn’t Golden

Dr. Phil Monroe on Spiritual Abuse:

• Spiritual Abuse: What it is and Why it Hurts
• Why Do Some Spiritual Leaders Abuse Power?
• What Factors Support the Use of Spiritual Abuse?
• Four Belief System That Support Spiritual Abuse
• Do You Enable Spiritual Abuse? 
• Failures to Act—Why we don’t always blow the whistle on abuse

Also by Frank A. James:  Structural Patriarchy’s Dilemma for Women
Mary DeMuth:  Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways to Spot It
Rachel Held Evans:  Series on Abuse

After listening all week to stories of spiritual and other horrible varieties of abuse, along with accounts of indifference, passivity, cover-up, and outright complicity among Christians, I longed to hear a voice that fearlessly spoke out against these injustices.

I knew I could count on Old Testament prophets to shed the blazing light of truth on what I’ve been hearing. So I headed for the writings of the ancient prophet Amos and was heartened, not only to read his potent words, but also the the fearless voice of a 21st Century prophet.

Here are the sobering words of pastor/theologian/prophet Eugene Peterson, which I gladly share with you.

“More people are exploited and abused in the cause of religion than in any other way. Sex, money, and power all take a backseat to religion as a source of evil. Religion is the most dangerous energy source known to humankind. The moment a person (or government or religion or organization) is convinced that God is either ordering or sanctioning a cause or project, anything goes. The history, worldwide, of religion-fueled hate, killing, and oppression is staggering.

The biblical prophets are in the front line of those doing something about it.

The biblical prophets continue to be the most powerful and effective voices ever heard on this earth for keeping religion honest, humble, and compassionate. Prophets sniff out injustice, especially injustice that is dressed up in religious garb.They sniff it out a mile away. Prophets see through hypocrisy, especially hypocrisy that assumes a religious pose. Prophets are not impressed by position or power or authority. They aren’t taken in by numbers, size, or appearances of success.

They pay little attention to what men and women say about God or do for God. They listen to God and rigorously test all human language and action against what they hear. Among these prophets, Amos towers as defender of the downtrodden poor and accuser of the powerful rich who use God’s name to legitimize their sin.

None of us can be trusted in this business. If we pray and worship God and associate with others who likewise pray and worship God, we absolutely must keep company with these biblical prophets. We are required to submit all our words and acts to their passionate scrutiny to prevent the perversion of our religion into something self-serving. A spiritual life that doesn’t give a large place to the prophet-articulated justice will end up making us worse instead of better, separating us from God’s ways instead of drawing us into them.”

—Eugene Peterson

Introduction to the Prophet Amos in The Message

by Frank A. James

I have long been something of a fan of Aquinas. For many years I have told my students that Protestants have not given Aquinas his due. However, when it comes to his view of women, I have to respectfully demur from the Doctor Angelicus.

Aquinas’ views on women are well known indeed. Also well known is that Aquinas was indebted to Aristotle for his views of women. The most common reference to the views of Aquinas on women are from his Summa Theologiae (1a, q. 92, a.1, Obj.1). The question under consideration there is whether the female, because of her inherent imperfection, should not have been part of the original creation.

Aquinas replies that “woman should have been produced in the Eden, since she is necessary for the generation of the species.” He then goes on to cite with approval Aristotle’s infamous affirmation that “the female is a misbegotten male.” (De Gener. ii, 3). Aquinas himself declares that women are “deficiens et occasionatus” – defective and misbegotten. (ST Ia q.92, a.1, Obj. 1)

And there is more.

In reply to the question of whether the female should be subject to the male, Aquinas asserts that females are inherently subordinate to males and that this “subjection existed even before sin.” Female subordination, for Aquinas, is not a result of the fall, but part of the created order. Such female subordination, he argues, is actually “for their own benefit and good.” (This sounds eerily familiar.)

Following Aristotelian logic, Thomas adds that without female subordination, “good order would have been lacking in the human family if some were not governed by others wiser than themselves. So by such a subjection woman is naturally subject to man, because in man the discretion of reason predominates. (ST q.92, a.1, Obj. 2).

We learn two things from this little waltz down memory lane. First, that women are by nature “deficient and misbegotten.” The essential value of her creation is “for the generation of the species.” Women are important not for any inherent value or virtue, but for their ability to reproduce. For Aquinas, women are merely a means to an end. That the female is described as “misbegotten” is a pejorative term probably referring to Eve’s eating of the fruit in the garden of Eden. To be “misbegotten” carries the connotation of contempt and disgust. Second, we learn that the female was an inherently subordinate and inferior being (inferior in intellect and reason).

I say all of that to say this: It is quite clear that Aquinas did not believe females were made in the image of God in the same way as males. The simple fact of the matter is that Thomas was both a product of his times and a casualty of his devotion to the pagan Aristotle.

“… are we really loving our neighbors as ourselves if our neighbors say they are hurting, and we say they are not?”

Everywhere we are—home, school, workplace, ministry, academy, writing, volunteering, you name it, even in assisted living—and every relationship we are in is a front line for God’s kingdom and an opportunity to proclaim and live out the gospel. Our stories are embedded in God’s great story, and our lives have kingdom purpose.

One pastor’s been reading Half the Church, and this is what he’s preaching to his congregation. I am loving this!

“I think it is fair to say that most of us (men included) have encountered spiritual abuse in one form or another and for the most part we endure and press on. But the structural patriarchy that suffuses so much of the evangelical community is not a mere insult or inconvenience; it is a death-trap for women. Here is what I mean. Structural patriarchy thrusts women into a bewildering dilemma where their responsibilities to ‘rule and subdue’ as image bearers of God Almighty are subverted into subservience to male authority—and this subversion is declared to be essence of feminine godliness. The end result is confusion and, in the worst cases, divine authority is replaced with male authority.”

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Here is the complete series on Spiritual Abuse:

• It all started with Lean In: Seek and Speak Your Truth 
• Part 1: This Can of Worms Must be Opened! 
• Part 2: The Perfect Storm
• Part 3: The Many Faces of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 4: Identifying the Triggers of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 5: Standing Up to Spiritual Abusers
• Part 6: The Underlying Belief System of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 7: The Enablers of Spiritual Abuse … or When Silence isn’t Golden

Dr. Phil Monroe on Spiritual Abuse:

• Spiritual Abuse: What it is and Why it Hurts
• Why Do Some Spiritual Leaders Abuse Power?
• What Factors Support the Use of Spiritual Abuse?
• Four Belief System That Support Spiritual Abuse
• Do You Enable Spiritual Abuse? 
• Failures to Act—Why we don’t always blow the whistle on abuse

Also by Frank A. James:  Structural Patriarchy’s Dilemma for Women
Mary DeMuth:  Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways to Spot It
Rachel Held Evans:  Series on Abuse

After a temporary hiatus from the spiritual abuse blog series while I traveled south to Pennsylvania and west to Oregon, I’m back in Boxford again, stationed at my computer, and ready to pick up where we left off.

Statements I made earlier about abuse (see “The Perfect Storm”) point to the possibility that something is amiss our Christian belief system that is opening the way, if not directly giving rise, to spiritual abuse.

The details are in that blog, but the gist of what I said is that abuse is:

• a denial of the gospel
• the antithesis of what it means to follow Jesus
• an overt rejection of God’s vision for his image bearers

These are serious statements, but the graphic and tragic stories of abuse speak for themselves. Because this topic is particularly important, this blog will be a bit longer than usual, but please read to the end.

It is one thing to address the symptoms—to learn how to detect spiritual abuse, courageously to reject abusive behavior, and to provide care and recovery for those who have been abused. In a future blog, we’ll take things further by looking at ways to prevent abuse from happening in the first place.

But even these important measures are insufficient if we don’t address the thinking that lies beneath spiritual abuse. We must address the underlying belief system—our interpretations of scripture itself—and ask if these convictions are actually part of the problem. If we don’t do this, we are merely bandaging an infection that will continue to flare up.

In his blog, “Four Belief System That Support Spiritual Abuse,” Dr. Phil Monroe identifies some of the underlying beliefs that elevate Christian leaders to a level of unquestioned authority, that give precedence for preserving an institution over caring for people, and that cause those who are not in positions of leadership to distrust themselves and let others think for them. He writes,

“Those who are abused . . . feel that they are not in a position to know truth, that their feelings are distorted more than others, that their needs do not merit help, that the preservation of the institution is more important, and that they are the cause of the problems they experience.”

Spiritual abuse happens where flawed views of authority and submission intersect. These concepts profoundly impact male/female relationships and at their lowest point result in abusive situations.

I note three fatal misconceptions:

First, that female submission means the godly woman’s default mode will be to defer and go along with whatever the men decide. In some Christian circles submission comes with conditioning where girls and women learn to silence their voices, to hold back and be less-than they really are, and to defer to others. A godly woman won’t “rock the boat.”

A women’s ministry team initiated a meeting with male leadership in their church for an honest discussion of the state of marriages and tensions between men and women in the church and what could be done to improve things. Prior to the meeting, the women were eager to proceed, but for some unknown reason fell silent when the discussion commenced. The explanation came later. One of the pastors had sent his wife the “you’d better keep quiet” signal across the room which the other women saw and clammed up too. He might as well have shouted across the room to the wives: “Don’t you dare speak.”

The woman who offers honest opinions, challenges and asks questions, brings up new ideas, or expresses a different perspective can be viewed as critical, insubordinate, and divisive. Countless women live with the constant worry that they aren’t being submissive enough.

Second, that male authority puts a man in a different category from others, giving him a sense of entitlement to the submission of others. Where levels of submission don’t satisfy he feels justified (perhaps even his duty) to thump his Bible and declare that female submission is the natural manifestation of godliness in female behavior.

A third factor that further exacerbates things is the widespread but largely unacknowledged perception that women are somehow secondary to men. It’s politically incorrect to affirm this out loud and will get you in a peck of trouble if you do. But despite protests to the contrary coming from Christian leaders, this thinking has been with us since the fall and has deep roots in human society.

It finds appalling expression when girls and women are objectified, trafficked and consumed, aborted or killed at birth for not being male, and refused education. No country or culture in the past or the present is immune from the impact of this low view of women vis-à-vis men.

But the church is not immune from perpetuating a secondary view of women either. My church historian husband often points out how the shapers of Christian tradition, like Augustine, Tertullian, and Aquinas, simply denied that women were made in the image of God. John Calvin believed women were made in the image of God, but not in the same way that men are. The imago dei in women is said to be derivative from males.

This low view of women is a dangerous blind spot in the church that surfaces regularly in the attitudes and actions of both sexes and of people on both sides of the gender debate.

Pretty much everyone agrees that both men and women are made equally in the image of God, but . . . our equality somehow doesn’t change how things work when men and women come together. “Exceptions” exist in both camps where some women are recognized and respected for their gifts, teaching, and even leadership abilities. But in both camps this doesn’t necessarily change things for the majority of women.

In Christian circles, the need to maintain male authority, the necessity for women to default to a submissive posture in relationship to men, and the subliminal conviction that women rank lower than men is the perfect recipe for spiritual abuse. It protects the abuser and puts the abused at risk. Worse still, it opens the door for other forms of abuse to take place within the church and at home behind closed doors.

How do we regain a clearer perspective on authority, submission, and the implications of both male and female being created in God’s image?

These terms—and many, many others like grace, hope, love, justice, compassion, sacrifice—are redefined for us when we dig through the debris of culture, tradition, and our fallenness that has accumulated over time and corrupted our perceptions of how we are to think and live and work together as followers of Jesus.

When we do this, we will discover the rock solid, unchanging foundation that God established for us in the beginning. We will discover that the way things work in the kingdom of God is nothing like the way things work in this fallen world. Jesus didn’t die and rise to bring us a “kinder, gentler” version of the world’s ways of conducting human relationships, but a radically different, counter-cultural way of relating that Jesus modeled and that is utterly foreign to us. We will realize much to our dismay that even in the best of relationships we all fall short of what God has in mind for us, that we all have reason to repent of our selfishness, small mindedness, and disconnectedness from the heart of God, that we all have more to learn and a lot more ground to gain.

When God created the heavens and the earth and named human beings as his image bearers, he established himself as the only true foundation. Jesus gives us a refresher course by showing us how God’s true image bearer lives. Only on this solid foundation can we begin to build healthy, robust, kingdom relationships.

Concepts of authority, submission, equality, do not float in mid-air. They will always be miss-defined if our reference points come from a fallen human culture and tradition. Jesus must invade our vocabulary and become our dictionary. We cannot properly understand these terms if we sever them from him.

Male/female relationships are opportunities for us to express the heart of God in our interactions and to live out Jesus’ gospel by putting the interests of others ahead of ourselves. Jesus taught us to use our power and privilege to facilitate the well-being and flourishing of others.

I’ve discussed at length submission (The Gospel of Ruth) and image bearing, authority, and equality (Half the Church). So if you want to read more, you can read it there. But to summarize what I’ve learned so far,

Submission is never a call to passivity or deference, but rather to responsibility, wisdom, and strength. Any submission we offer to another person must first pass the test of our prior and primary submission to Jesus—to his character, teaching, example, and mission in the world. To submit is never a woman’s first option. She fails her brothers as an ezer under God if she is passive where courage and firmness are required. Submission is a call for us to use our minds, to work to know God better, and to accept responsibility for what is happening around us—including the decisions the men in our lives want to make.

Submitting to spiritual abuse or turning a blind eye when we know it is happening is never okay.

Jesus had a thing or two to say about authority: first, that all authority belongs to him; second, that the authority he granted his followers was not to rule over women or any other human being, but rather authority over the powers of darkness; and third, that authority is what the Gentiles (unbelievers) wield over others, but that those who follow Jesus are called to be servants—that in the kingdom of God, the first will be last.

Phil’s comments about authority and submission are confirmed by a woman whose experience of spiritual abuse in her church led to this eye-opening moment of truth:

“I realized my concept of submission, authority, introspection and responsibility was distorted, especially as a woman in the church.”

If we are to make strides against spiritual abuse that will help us gain ground against other forms of abuse, we need to return to our foundation and rethink who we are as God’s image bearers and how we are to be valiant for his kingdom. The kind of womanhood God intends for us flourishes when we grow strong and full of courage in God. And the men in our stories will be blessed if we become the stalwart, wise, gracious truth-telling women Jesus calls us to be.

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What other aspects of our belief system foster spiritual abuse among Christians?

What conditioning have you experienced that makes it difficult for you to think for yourself, use your voice, and stand against abuse?

How has our own belief system become distorted and what steps can we take to correct course?

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IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you haven’t already signed the statement on sexual abuse, please do add your name and spread the word so others can join this effort. This is just a beginning step, but an early demonstration of our determination to support the victims of sexual abuse and stop this atrocity from ever happening in the church again.  We need your help!

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Here is the complete series on Spiritual Abuse:

• It all started with Lean In: Seek and Speak Your Truth 
• Part 1: This Can of Worms Must be Opened! 
• Part 2: The Perfect Storm
• Part 3: The Many Faces of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 4: Identifying the Triggers of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 5: Standing Up to Spiritual Abusers
• Part 6: The Underlying Belief System of Spiritual Abuse
• Part 7: The Enablers of Spiritual Abuse … or When Silence isn’t Golden

Dr. Phil Monroe on Spiritual Abuse:

• Spiritual Abuse: What it is and Why it Hurts
• Why Do Some Spiritual Leaders Abuse Power?
• What Factors Support the Use of Spiritual Abuse?
• Four Belief System That Support Spiritual Abuse
• Do You Enable Spiritual Abuse? 
• Failures to Act—Why we don’t always blow the whistle on abuse

Also by Frank A. James:  Structural Patriarchy’s Dilemma for Women
Mary DeMuth:  Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways to Spot It
Rachel Held Evans:  Series on Abuse

Last night, on the train home from the Philadelphia airport, I sat behind a black youth and wondered if, along with his backpack, he was also carrying a load of apprehension that something could go terribly wrong as he made his way home, simply because of the color of his skin.

Was there a mother or father at home, watching the clock, waiting nervously for his return, feeling like another mother who wrote,

“My son is black. He wears a hoodie to school on cold mornings and he likes Skittles. It could be him walking home some day. I feel that chock of pain vibrate through my body again. He is at greater risk because he is black. What do I, as a mother, do with that?”

As a white woman and a mother, the issue I wake up with every morning and carry around with me isn’t race. It’s gender.

I live in a world where many women have risen to the top of the food-chain (as evidenced yearly by Forbes’ Most Powerful 100 Women list). But I know full well that is not the full story. Despite the successes and opportunities some women enjoy, many more women all over the world face constant suffering, oppression, and injustice. Even here in this country—even in the church—we have abuses to address and more ground to gain.

In her bestselling book, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg urges women to “sit at the table,” to “lean in,” and to “seek and speak our truth.”

That’s easier said than done.

As women we know that speaking up does little good and may even do damage if the men around that table don’t lean in and listen. Or if they think the issues and injustices women raise are overblown, imagined, or hormonal. Or if they think women should be grateful to have a seat at the table and stop our “whining.”

In the wake of the Zimmerman acquittal, I have been asking myself a hard question: If I want to be taken seriously when I say something is amiss that bothers me, how can I turn a deaf ear to the cries of others when they raise concerns of racial profiling and injustice?

Are those of us, who haven’t a clue what it’s like to be eyed with suspicion based solely on the color of our skin, in a position to decide all this commotion is invalid? And more to the point, are we really loving our neighbors as ourselves if our neighbors say they are hurting, and we say they are not?

A blogger comment stopped me in my tracks:

“It is never our place to tell someone that racism doesn’t exist when we’re standing in the position of the more privileged group and not experiencing it from the other side. (And this applies to sexism as well).”

The Bible contains the familiar but all too often misunderstood story of an encounter between a woman and a man that brought together the kinds of explosive combinations we hear about every day in the news—the kind we’re looking at now.

Boaz was born to privilege—wealthy, powerful, native born, Jewish, and male. Ruth was living in the margins—poor, powerless, immigrant, Arab, and female.

It was the perfect nitro-meets-glycerin encounter.

The potential for an explosion escalated when she realized that the accepted “letter of the law” way of doing things meant the mother-in-law she was determined to feed would still suffer hunger pangs with what she, a gleaner, could bring home from her most diligent scavenging efforts.

The wildly disparate lives of Boaz and Ruth converged in his barley field when Ruth had the audacity to “lean in” and “speak her truth.”

The whole story turns on the fact that a well-fed man of wealth, power, and privilege chose to lean in and listen. When the conversation ended, he used his power and privilege to empower the woman who lived on the hungry side of the law.

Whether we realize it or not, one of the biggest crises and greatest wastes of brains and talent we face as a nation and as a church is what is happening to America’s black men and boys. We can put our heads in the sand or rationalize what’s happening, but the facts will have the last word every time. The simple fact  (reported to Congress in January 2013 by the U.S. Sentencing Commission) that on average black men serve 20% longer sentences than white men for the same crimes is barely the tip of the iceberg, but a blatant indicator that something is horribly amiss.

After reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book, one message that comes through loud and clear is that more men need to begin listening to women. In the wake of Trayvon Martin’s death, it seems to me that we have a significant window of opportunity, prompted by this tragedy, to begin listening to our black brothers and sisters—really listening.

We can be satisfied with window dressing and the status quo when it comes to the concerns of our black brothers and sisters. Or we can make real strides towards progress if we’ll only lean in and listen to understand what they are telling us. Maybe it’s time for white pastors to meet with black pastors to understand better their concerns. Maybe it’s time for white congregations to hear from their black brothers and sisters and figure out ways to join hands against these injustices.

Maybe it’s time for us all to open the ears God gave us and listen. Maybe then, God will open our eyes too, and we’ll learn truly what it means to love our neighbors as ourselves.

I am not a black mother who worries every day if her son will make it home alive. I am a white woman with a great many privileges. But I’d like to think the next time I ride the train from the airport, the black youth sitting in front of me will be as confident and carefree as any white mother’s son because we as Christians and as Americans leaned in, listened, and acted to change things for him when we had the chance.

Published on the Huffington Post Blog:  http://huff.to/12dlcXm

According to statistics, by the age of eighteen one in three American women has been sexually abused. A statistic like this doesn’t stop at the church door. It marches right on in.

This disturbing figure doesn’t include boys who are also victims of sexual abuse.

The statement below is in response to the problem of sexual abuse within our ranks, along with the start of what is now a growing list of signatures. The original statement is posted on GRACE, whose Founder is Boz Tchividjian.

This is an important opportunity for Christians to join together in standing against these abuses and standing with the abused.

Please read the entire document, consider adding your name and asking others to join this urgent effort.

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A Public Statement Concerning Sexual Abuse in the Church of Jesus Christ

Recent allegations of sexual abuse and cover-up within a well known international ministry and subsequent public statements by several evangelical leaders have angered and distressed many, both inside and outside of the Church. These events expose the troubling reality that, far too often, the Church’s instincts are no different than from those of many other institutions, responding to such allegations by moving to protect her structures rather than her children. This is a longstanding problem in the Christian world, and we are deeply grieved by the failures of the American and global Church in responding to the issue of sexual abuse. We do not just believe we should do better; as those who claim the name of Jesus and the cause of the Gospel, we are convinced we must do better. In the hope that a time is coming when Christian leaders respond to all sexual abuse with outrage and courage, we offer this confession and declare the Good News of Jesus on behalf of the abused, ignored and forgotten.

Through the media we have been confronted with perpetual reports of grievous sexual abuse and its cover-up. Institutions ranging from the Catholic Church, various Protestant churches and missionary organizations, Penn State, Yeshiva University High School, the Boy Scouts, and all branches of our military have been rocked by allegations of abuse and of complicity in silencing the victims. And while many evangelical leaders have eagerly responded with outrage to those public scandals, we must now acknowledge long-silenced victims who are speaking out about sexual abuse in evangelical Christian institutions: schools, mission fields and churches, large and small. And we must confess we have done far too little to hear and help them.

Holocaust survivor and author, Elie Weisel, once said, “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim…silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” When we choose willful ignorance, inaction or neutrality in the face of evil, we participate in the survival of that evil. When clergy, school administrations, boards of directors, or military commanders have been silent or have covered up abuse, they have joined with those who perpetrate crimes against the “little ones” – often children, but also others who are on the underside of power because of size, age, position or authority.

It goes without saying that sexual abuse is criminal, but within the Church we also believe that it is the work of the enemy of our souls — evil, horrific sin perpetrated in dark and hidden places, forever altering lives and destroying the faith of the abused. How could such evil be present and overlooked in the body of Christ? Surely as his followers, we would do everything in our power to expose the deeds of darkness, opening the mouths of the mute, the afflicted and the needy. The Church must never hinder those who so desperately need to run to God and his people for safety, hope and truth, while also providing them protection from the great deceiver.

But we have hindered the victims. By our silence and our efforts to protect our names and institutions and “missions,” we, the body of Christ, have often sided with an enemy whose sole purpose is and has always been to destroy the Lamb of God and his presence in this world. Our busyness and inattention have often resulted in complicity in allowing dark places that shelter abuse to fester and survive.

We must face the truths of our own teachings: To be a shepherd in the body of Christ and blind to the knowledge that your sheep are being abused by wolves in your midst is to be an inattentive shepherd. To judge merely by outward appearances is a failure of righteousness. To fail to obey the laws of the land as Scripture commands by declining to report and expose abuse is to be a disobedient shepherd. To be told that wolves are devouring our lambs and fail to protect those lambs is to be a shepherd who sides with the wolves who hinder those same little ones from coming to Jesus. To fail to grasp the massive web of deception entangling an abuser and set him or her loose among the sheep is to be naïve about the very nature and power of sin. To be told a child is being or has been abused and to make excuses for failing to act is a diabolical misrepresentation of God. To know a woman is being raped or battered in hidden places and silence her or send her back is to align with those who live as enemies of our God. Protecting an institution or organization rather than a living, breathing lamb is to love ministry more than God and to value a human name or institution more than the peerless name of Jesus.

Dear church of Jesus Christ, we must set aside every agenda but one: to gently lead every man, woman and child into the arms of our Good Shepherd, who gave his very life to rescue us from the clutches of our enemy and from sin and death — who rose from the dead and called us to the safety of his side. As we follow this Good Shepherd, we will “eliminate harmful beasts from the land, make places of blessing for the sheep, deliver them from their enslavers and make them secure in places where no one will make them afraid” (Ezekiel 34:25-28). Surely it is for such a time as this that the Church has been empowered to boldly and bravely embody the Good News to accusers and accused alike, and to forsake our own comfort and position to love the hurting with an illogical extravagance.

To all who have been abused, broken, deceived and ignored, we have failed you and our God. We repent for looking nothing like our Lord when we have silenced you, ignored you or moved away from you and then acted as if you were the problem. You are not the problem; you are the voice of our God calling his church to repentance and humility. Thank you for having the courage to speak truth. May God have mercy on us all and oh may the day come when his church reflects the indescribable love and compassion of Jesus, even to the point of laying down our lives for his precious sheep.

Dated this 17th day of July, 2013.

Click here to add your voice and sign this statement along with those listed below.

Carol Ajamian – Retired Jim Arcieri Pastor of Community Bible Fellowship Church in Red Hill, PA
William S. Barker – Professor of Church History, Emeritus at Westminster Theological Seminary (PA)
Steve Brown – Professor, Emeritus of Preaching and Pastoral Ministry at Reformed Theological Seminary, President of Key Life Network, Inc., and Author
P. J. (“Flip”) Buys – Associate International Director of the World Reformed Fellowship, South Africa
Rebecca Campbell –  Member of the Board of Trustees at Biblical Theological Seminary
Alan Chambers – Founder, Speak.Love
Kelly Clark – Attorney with the law firm of O’Donnell Clark and Crew, LLP in Portland, OR
Julie Clinton – President of Extraordinary Women
Tim Clinton – President of the American Association of Christian Counselors and Professor of Counseling and Pastoral Care at Liberty University
Wentzel Coetzer – Professor of Theology at Northwest University (Potschefstroom, South Africa)
James Courtney – Ruling Elder at Trinity Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Rye, NY
Margaret Courtney –  Co-Director of Family Ministries at Trinity Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Rye, NY
Glenn Davies – Bishop of North Sydney, Australia D. Clair Davis Chaplain at Redeemer Seminary
Chuck DeGroat – Associate Professor of Counseling and Pastoral Care at Western Theological Seminary and Senior Fellow at Newbigin House
Mary DeMuth – Author and Blogger
David G. Dunbar – Professor of Theology at Biblical Theological Seminary
Diana S. Durrill – Pastor’s wife and Sexual abuse survivor
Michael J. Durrill – Pastor of Valley Community Church in Louisville, CO
William Edgar – Professor of Apologetics at Westminster Theological Seminary (PA)
Rob Edwards – Pastor of Mercy Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Forest, VA
Mr. Rinaldo Lotti Filho – Ruling Elder in the Presbyterian Church of Brazil (Sao Paulo)
Elyse Fitzpatrick – Counselor and Author
Ryan Ferguson – Pastor of Community Connection at North Hills Community Church in Taylors, SC
E. Robert Geehan – Pastor of The Reformed Church in Poughkeepsie, NY (RCA)
Shannon Geiger – Counselor at Park Cities Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Dallas, TX
Douglas Green – Professor of Old Testament and Biblical Theology at Westminster Theological Seminary (PA)
Fred Harrell – Senior Pastor of City Church in San Francisco, CA
Robert Heerdt – Chief Investment Officer at BenefitWorks, Inc.
Walter Henegar – Senior Pastor of Atlanta Westside Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Atlanta, GA
Craig Higgins – Senior Pastor of Trinity Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Westchester County, NY and North American Regional Coordinator for the World Reformed Fellowship
Justin Holcomb – Author and Adjunct Professor of Theology and Philosophy at Reformed Theological Seminary
Lindsey Holcomb – Author and former case manager for sexual assault crisis center
Peter Hubbard – Pastor of Teaching at North Hills Community Church in Taylors, SC
Carolyn James – President of WhitbyForum
Frank James – President of Biblical Theological Seminary
Karen Jansson – Board member of the World Reformed Fellowship Board Member and Treasurer of the Russian Orphan Opportunity Fund, USA
Kathy Koch – President and Founder of Celebrate Kids
Matthew Lacey – Development Director for GRACE
David Lamb – Associate Professor of Old Testament at Biblical Theological Seminary
Diane Langberg  – Clinical Psychologist and Author
Daniel N. LaValla – Director of Library Services and Development Associate at Biblical Theological Seminary
Samuel Logan – International Director of the World Reformed Fellowship, President Emeritus of Westminster Theological Seminary (PA), and Special Counsel to the President at Biblical Theological Seminary
Tremper Longman – Robert H. Gundry Professor of Biblical Studies at Westmont College
Kin Yip Louie – Assistant Professor of Theological Studies at China Graduate School of Theology
Fergus Macdonald – Past President of the United Bible Societies (Scotland)
Todd Mangum – Academic Dean and Professor of Theology at Biblical Theological Seminary
Dan McCartney – Professor of New Testament at Redeemer Seminary
Scot McKnight – Professor of New Testament at Northern Seminary and Author
Jonathan Merritt – Faith and Culture writer
Pat Millen – Member of the Board of Trustees at Biblical Seminary
Philip Monroe – Professor of Counseling and Psychology at Biblical Theological Seminary
Amy Norvell – Director of Classical Conversations in Bryan/College Station, TX, Pastor’s wife, and Sexual abuse survivor
Thad Norvell  – Pastor at Community Church in Bryan/College Station, TX K.
Eric Perrin – Senior Pastor of Covenant Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Cherry Hill, NJ
Michael Reagan – President of the Reagan Legacy Foundation
Matthew Redmond – Author
Nathan Rice – Director of Middle School Ministries at First Presbyterian Church (PCUSA) in Bellevue, WA
Tamara Rice – Freelance Writer and Editor
Adam L Saenz – Clinical Psychologist and Author
Karen L. Sawyer – Vice Chair and Chair Elect of the Board of Trustees, Biblical Theological Seminary and Adjunct Professor of Philosophy and Religion at Arcadia University
Scotty Smith – Founding Pastor of Christ Community Church in Franklin, TN
Ron Scates – Preaching Pastor at Highland Park Presbyterian Church (PCUSA) in Dallas, Texas
Andrew J. Schmutzer – Professor of Biblical Studies at Moody Bible Institute
Chris Seay – Pastor at Ecclesia in Houston, TX
Mike Sloan – Associate Pastor at Old Peachtree Presbyterian Church in DuLuth, GA
Basyle J. Tchividjian – Executive Director, GRACE and Associate Professor of Law at Liberty University School of Law
Laura Thien – LMHC and Board Chairperson of the Julie Valentine Center in Greenville, SC
Jessica Thompson – Author
Rick Tyson – Senior Pastor at Calvary Presbyterian Church in Willow Grove, PA
John Williams – Ruling Elder in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Washington Island, WI
John Wilson – Pastor in the Presbyterian Church of Victoria, Australia
William Paul Young – Author

It is summer, after all.

So I’m temporarily suspending the spiritual abuse series while I travel west to celebrate my mother’s 90th birthday. Both Phil Monroe and I will resume that important discussion in a week or so.

In the meantime, if you haven’t participated in that discussion, the posts so far from both of us are below:

• Standing Up to Spiritual Abusers
• Identifying the Triggers of Spiritual Abuse
• The Many Faces of Spiritual Abuse
• The Perfect Storm 
• This Can of Worms Must be Opened! 
• Lean In: Seek and Speak Your Truth 

Dr. Phil Monroe on Spiritual Abuse:  

• What Factors Support the Use of Spiritual Abuse? 
• Why Do Some Spiritual Leaders Abuse Power?
• Spiritual Abuse: What it is and Why it Hurts

Also by Mary DeMuth:  Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways to Spot It